Stir crazy!

It has been 3 weeks since I finished work, I can't say I have noticed or feel sad that I left as I was only in the office 1 day a week towards the end but I have to admit that I miss working, like really miss it. I miss using my brain, well what was left after having Sidney, I miss the office conversations. I miss the calmness, work was less crazy even if it didn't seem like it at times, the commute was an occasional nightmare when I was in the office but at the moment I am struggling, I am tired and drained. I don't feel bad for saying this as I am being honest but Sidney is breaking me, okay its not just him, this whole stay at home mum thing and most of the time Sid is happy, lovely, just full of character and I absolutely adore him but its the whining and the tantrums I am having day in day out with him, teething isn't helping (yep the four bastard back teeth that take forever!) and I know I am not alone in feeling like this and that this is completely normal behaviour for a 2.5 year old and some people just get on with it but it is so much more worse since I have been off work,  may be he his pushing me to go back to work as he likes the break with Nannie!

When I was on maternity leave I wanted to be a full time mum, I wanted redundancy then but it never happened and so I went back to work part time, because financially I had to if I wanted to buy myself things, have holidays and meals out etc. So I went to work and slipped straight back in to my role. I loved working again and I looked forward to spending those days I had off with Sidney. It is true what people say, that you appreciate them more, of course I did before I went back and I still do now I have finished, but even more so when I had that time apart from him. I think he did as well. I loved  it when I came home from work and I see his little face light up when he first sees me!

I have been looking for part time work, I am not ready for full time plus childcare costs are not cheap, we have one day covered with the in laws but I don't earn a massive amount to justify the difference for the other 4 days, and I enjoy the one or two days a week with just me and Sid. I have something exciting in the pipeline that I am working on at the moment which I am hoping will take off very soon and all will be revealed shortly but for now I am looking for a job a few days a week to give me some pocket money (basically shoes and clothes money!) and most importantly so I don't feel like I am going doolally!!

I believe that Happy Mummy = Happy Baby and I am trying not to forget that!

Home Sweet Home

For a while now we have been contemplating a move to the countryside, okay we are not far from the countryside where we are now in lovely Horsham, West Sussex. In fact we only have to get in to our car and drive for 5 minutes and we can walk around woodlands and look out at rolling hills, but we have been thinking about moving to Somerset.

We went to Somerset for a weekend about 4 years ago and fell in love with the place. We have no family ties there, though my best friend lives near there so that would be a massive positive, but also feel it would be lovely for Sidney to grow up in the area and also the main reason would be that we could afford a bigger house. However this move would come with big sacrifices, family being the main one. We used to live in a town in Surrey and at the time where we live now was cheaper and decided a change would be good. We are glad we made the move, its not far away, but the town we live in now has much more shops and facilities than where we lived before and Horsham is a great place for families, but we need want more space and just cannot afford the next move up on the property ladder since I went back part time and not working at all now!

I know we are lucky to have a nice home in a nice area but there is nothing wrong with wanting more???  I feel in two minds, I want a bigger house (we are bursting at the seams here) and would love to live near my best friend and may be even get a dog! I know I will make friends, I have made most of my friends in Horsham from having Sidney, just by meeting other parents in the area, and a few of these will be friends for life, so I know I will meet other parents from nursery, schools, clubs etc etc, its much easier to meet new people when you have a child.......but I feel like I have a life here now and I am scared to rock it,  my family life was rocked when I was kid and I don't want Sidney to feel like I did, I want him to feel secure and have family around him.

Feed back from friends who don't have families nearby say don't do it unless you really have to so I am struggling to make a decision, we would probably rent for 6 months to test the water just in case we think we have made a massive mistake but I then feel guilty for upsetting Sidney even more. I know I know kids are adaptable and this is probably a good age to do it, rather than when they are slightly older but do I bite the bullet and just do it or make some changes here to look at moving locally in the near future, or is this just me using Sidney as a excuse may be I need the security that I lost for part of my childhood, I should know but I really don't.

I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason so whatever we decide will be but it's not just mine and Darren's life, we also have to think of this little persons life and taking him away from his friends and most importantly family!

I will keep you posted but for now I will continue to scroll the Rightmove web pages until we make that decision!